Monday, February 4, 2008

Adoption Shmadoption

Um, has anyone seen Adoption Stories on TLC? I just watched one where a canadian couple adopts a child from haiti. To give you an idea, the orphanage is called "god's little angels." They could have called the episode "White Couple Saves Black Baby From Terrible Country." They make a big deal about the adoptive mother feeding the baby his "first meal," (nevermind he looks about one year old and has probably eaten prior to her arrival) and how to care for his "terribly" dry hair and skin (by "terrible," did she mean 'black' or 'orphaned?'). They also had a small blurp about meeting the birthmother where they got the comforting story that she wanted to do the best she could for her child, which meant "giving him up" to this lovely canadian couple. They laughed about how they couldn't possibly keep his name, Wendi, unless he was guarenteed to grow up to be a football player--so his name was changed to something like adrian.

Watching this episode was like watching a car accident. It mostly made me sad about the show overlooking the complete adoption story, which might not be as sweet and tidy as portrayed. I was especially curious about the access to the birthmother. It seemed the adoptive parents were recieving most of their direction about baby cares from the orphanage manager instead of the birth mother. Does the agency keep them separated? Is it usual for the adoptive parents to meet the birth mother? What exactly are the circumstances surrounding this adoption and her "choice" to adopt out?

Speaking of sad adoption stories, did you see the story in the strib about the korean adoptee who found her birth family which included a twin sister? Her birthmother is terminally ill and drops the bomb on her daughter that she has a twin that she 'gave up' for adoption at birth and she'd like her to find her. And here that daughter is living in rural, minnesota. Damn.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had no idea that TLC had adoption stories in addition to their dating stories, wedding stories and biological birth stories! Whew! I can only imagine the cringing that may take place if I were to watch one of the episodes of an adoption story. Yet I am also admittedly curious now!

Puka said...

I stay away from the Adoption Stories series. It makes me want to puke.

I did read about the girl who is a twin. I can't imagine the emotions she is experiencing.

Anonymous said...

TLC's adoption stories are awful. Don't bother. :)

Anonymous said...

I CANT BELIEVE HOW AWFUL YOU ALL SOUND ABOUT "ADOPTION STORIES".

I DID SEE THE EPISODE ABOUT THE CANADIAN COUPLE ADOPTING THE CHILD FROM HAITI AND I THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL. I ACTUALLY SAW IT TWICE.

YES, IN MANY CASES, AND I KNOW OF SEVERAL PERSONALLY, THE ADOPTING PARENTS DO MEET THE BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. THIS POOR WOMAN WANTS TO GIVE HER CHILD A CHANCE.

AND MAY I ADD, YOU SOUND VERY RACIST AS WELL. I DONT SEE A WHITE CANADIAN FAMILY ADOPTING A BLACK BABY. I SEE A FAMILY THAT CANT REPRODUCE THEIR OWN FAMILY, "FINALLY" BECOMING PARENTS TO A CHILD IN NEED OF A FAMILY AND GOOD HOME.

JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO PICK THE CHILD UP WHEN HE WAS MUCH OLDER, DOESNT MEAN THIS FAMILY HAD NOT BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE ORPHANAGE SEVERAL MONTHS PRIOR. AND ON A CULTURAL LEVEL, "WENDI" IS NOT GOING TO FLY. IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO GIVE THE CHILD A NEW NAME AND START FRESH WITH HIS NEW FAMILY.

ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT MAKE IT DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE IN ANYWAY DIFFERENT, TO LIVE AND GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES WITHOUT RIDICULE.

THEY DIDNT SAVE A BLACK BABY, THEY SAVED A CHILD AND BECAME PARENTS. THEIR GOAL IS TO ADD TO THE FAMILY IN YEARS TO COME.

IM A LESBIAN. MY PARTNER AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 6 YEARS AND HAVE A TEN MONTH OLD SON. OUR GOAL IS TO ADOPT A CHILD IN NEED OF A HOME.

WILL YOU CRITICIZE THAT AS WELL?

Scooter said...

I don't think anyone who commented on the thread would criticize lesbian adoption just because it was lesbian adoption. They might criticize passing all that anger you seem to carry onto the adopted child, however.

Your take on LissyJo's post is way off, in my opinion. You're addressing your issues, not the issues raised in the post. There wasn't a criticism of interracial adoption - anything she said could be applicable to same race adoption. To throw out the word "racist" is a knee jerk reaction on your part that only disparages how little real attention you paid to the content of the post. It's akin to someone accusing you of misandry just because you identify as a lesbian.

LissyJo's criticism was primarily reserved for the upbeat focus of the show, which doesn't seem to address, or at least glosses over, some of the realities of adoption, particularly as adoptees see it. Was the attention given to the birth mother nothing more than lip service and self-congratulatory myopia on the part of the adopting parents and the show? LissyJo brings up a good point when she states: "It seemed the adoptive parents were receiving most of their direction about baby care from the orphanage manager instead of the birth mother", which certainly makes it appear as though the birth mother was only being paraded out to show how considerate they were, not how considerate they were of her. If they were considerate of her and the child's culture, they wouldn't be bragging about a first meal or making a joke of changing the child's name (to which LissyJo has every right to gripe).

P.S. Turn off the CapsLock or you'll go hoarse.

Anonymous said...

Adoption stories is great. You must be a jaded adoptee! Any other reaction wouldn't be understood unless you were. Opening up your home to an orphan is the greatest gift a good Christian could give to the world. The bible talks about it. Sorry your perspective is so shallow.

Scooter said...

Anonymous, these two statements are mutually exclusive. Can you really claim to know the only reason for something, and then claim someone else's perspective is shallow? If you're a Christian, then you must believe logic is a gift from God. He didn't give it to you just so you could ignore it.

"Any other reaction wouldn't be understood unless you were."

"Sorry your perspective is so shallow."

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

Jodee said...

Just adopted my son from Haiti. Yes we met the birth family. Yes we received most of the direction from the orphanage director. Yes our son is not a baby at 2 years old but he's my baby and will always be my baby. Yes we celebrated our FIRST meal together as a FAMILY. Yes we are white and our son is black but that has no bearing on our love for him. Yes we are completely elated and totally in love and have nothing but fabulous things to say about our adoption and adoption in general. Are there tough times? Sure. Do I want to focus on the negative or do I want to focus on the positive - I think I will choose the latter. Go TLC for airing AWESOME shows on adoption including adoption from HAITI which gets overlooked quite often.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post, but I just had to respond because I felt such sadness at your take on that episode.

"They could have called the episode "White Couple Saves Black Baby From Terrible Country."

and

"...how to care for his "terribly" dry hair and skin (by "terrible," did she mean 'black' or 'orphaned?')."

Seriously, that's what you got out of that episode?? I think you and the handful of posters on your site may be the only ones, because many people I know find this series of shows to be very uplifting.

And this:

"...she wanted to do the best she could for her child, which meant "giving him up" to this lovely canadian couple."

Well, YES, that may be the best she CAN do for her child who needs a chance in life. Unfortunately, she was born in a country rampant with poverty and corruption, and she doesn't want her child to live the same kind of life. The problem is bigger than her and her child and this Canadian couple, and all she can do is make her child's situation better -- that is a CHOICE she is making, and a powerful one at that. I'd guess she might resent you belittling her power in this situation. She changed many lives with this decision--hers, her child's, and the lives of her child's new family who longs to share their love and the opportunities of a stable life with a child. Powerful choice, indeed.

And the name Wendi? You think they should have kept it?! Kind of cruel, don't you think? What if the situation were reversed (not a realistic scenario, but hypethetically), and a Canadian baby was being adopted in Haiti, but his English name meant "Sally" in French. They shouldn't change or modify it?

And lastly,

"overlooking the complete adoption story, which might not be as sweet and tidy as portrayed"

NOTHING on TV is as sweet any tidy as portrayed. It is a series about the positive that can result from heartache on both sides of the adoption situation. It is a series about hope and resilience. And it is a 30 minute TV show. It is not a documentary on the horror of being orphaned or poor or whatever race that the world thinks is lesser and how unfair that all is.

Seriously, I can't believe one of your posters said the series makes her want to puke. Do you all see the whole world this negatively, or do you only have issues with adoption? If it's a world view, I can't help but wonder how you drag yourselves out of bed every day to face it.

Carla

LissyJo said...

I felt the need to respond to Carla's post:

"It is not a documentary on the horror of being orphaned or poor or whatever race that the world thinks is lesser and how unfair that all is."

Perhaps we should not talk so much about the holocaust when talking about WWII. It's kind of a downer.

You see the birthmother as 'powerful?' Giving your child up because you feel you don't have the support or resources to have this child is the *opposite* of powerful. And if you're giving this child up because it will supply you with shelter and food even for a short while is the opposite of powerful.

I am surprised the negative posts that end in personal attacks to me personally. You may find it surprising to know that i support adoption (especially from same-sex partners!). I know the vast majority of adoptive parents are loving. I wouldn't consider myself "A Jaded Adoptee." And i manage to get out of bed on the right side most mornings.

It is a disservice to overlook the cultural complexities in overseas adoption. The adoption is portrayed as a rebirth ("first meal," new name, etc) and like "real" birth, this doesn't happen without a few lasting scars. When i see international adoption portrayed this way, i can't help think "How much did they want to help this child in his native culture and community?" versus "How much do they want a child. Any child."

Scooter said...

I think most of the posts here have been reactions to people who simply make some statement about how they want things to be, and state that rose-colored belief/s to be truth instead of doing a bit of research or reasoning.

For example, your belief that Wendi is a girl's name is a personal belief that has no basis in reality other than your cultural upbringing and personal observation and is easily researched:

"In both the English and U.S. Census, however, the name Wendy is also used as a male first name"

Chinese emperors used the title Wen and often went by Wendi.

http://www.wendy.com/wendyweb/history.html

And you're arguing your belief that changing a native name is for the best with someone who had her name changed to a more Anglicized version. That seems a pretty weak position to argue from.