In the news

Wow, i'm not sure if it's because my head isn't deep in a study hole anymore, but there seems to be a lot going on in the news lately that i wanted to comment on.

Parents deemed innocent for "spanking" their THIRTEEN year old kid with a stick. Are you kidding me? The kid pulled a knife on himself and threatened suicide in the middle of the beating which lead the response of....MORE BEATING! This is not ok. Several things have gone wrong in the parenting of this child before this. I think the beating with the stick is a huge canary that some intervention is needed. I do come from the camp that it's never ok to hit (spank, paddle, slap, etc.) your kids. There seems to be enough violence in our society. Don't get me wrong: I have already had moments where i feel like swating my child swiftly in the butt to "get her attention," and realize it's difficult sometimes. But when i feel like doing this, i realize the action would be somewhat out of my control and out of anger and that just isn't ok for the adult to do.

Yet another strike to the Tour de France. As you may have noticed in the sidebar, the LissyJo household has been watching the Tour daily. I was so disappointed and sad to hear about one of my favorite riders, alexandre vinokourov and his last minute blood transfusion (not ok). He was sort of the underdog because of his major fall early in the tour. Sixty stitches later, he was riding strong until he was caught and immediately dropped out. Now there's a new scandal--yet another positive drug screen for an unnamed rider. These atheletes are so amazing and the tour is a great way to spread the excitement of cycling, but i am afraid people associate druggies with cyclists and that makes me sad.

The taliban killed s. korean hostage. What the hell is going on in afganistan? Seems like a lot of violence and action is going on there with not much attention. Good thing we have a war on terror going on. Seems to be rather effective.

My brother and father make it through day three of RAGBRAI. Unfortunately i erased the picture my sister-in-law nabbed from their "live cam" of ragbrai that had a picture of my dad...maybe. It's difficult to tell, and it would be hugely surprising that she spotted my dad out of the 10,000 riders on this years race. Riding across iowa sounds hard. I'm proud of them for stepping up for the challenge.


That's all for now.

PASSED!

Yesterday, i managed to survive taking the test and passing it. It was unexpected finding out the results right afterwards and i am so glad i did. Not only does passing this exam mark the beginning of my career as a certified nurse practitioner, it marks the end of my time as an OB nurse. After begrudging the weekend shifts for so long, this is a welcome change, but i am starting to realize that i will miss my times at my current workplace.

I am so thrilled, i can't even verbalize it.

The "C" in "CNP" and Other Emotional Items

My certification exam is monday. Passing this exam is the requirement for prescriptive drug authority, my new job that starts in august, and the label, "CNP," certified nurse practitioner. I have had my nose in the book preparing and have moved from "absolutely mortified" to "ready." I had the realization today that this is the last time i'll have to do all day (and sometimes well into the night) studying....ever. The back to school section is up at target and i don't have to go back to school this fall: Wow. This is the end of spending a complete day at the coffee shop or library. I know my future job requires continual learning, but probably not all day on my free time when i'm not being paid.

My daughter is in the middle of a transtion as well; She is moving daycare to a place that is closer to our house (now that i'll have to actually drive to work vs. riding my bike) and has a mission that more closely matches our family values. She had her last day at her old daycare last week and she was quite content with the change, but i ended up in tears. My daughter always proves to be better with transitions and changes than i give her credit for. I get upset even thinking that she'll have difficulties or have a hard time adjusting or even be slightly uncomfortable. Of course, i know these challenges in life are good for toddlers--Perhaps it's first child syndrome.

Finally, i am half way through this pregnancy and the baby has begun to really move around. I find this extremely comforting. My husband felt it for the first time this morning and it clearly wasn't as ground-breaking and emotional as i have found it to be. He sort of nods his head and responds, "To be expected," while i'm moist with tears thinking, "I AM WITH CHILD!"

Perhaps after monday when the exam is finished, i'll come down a few notches on the ole emotional rollercoaster.

Breastfeeding Toddler

Breastfeeding education is a large part of my job and i really enjoy it. I hope to one day be a certified lactation consultant (early next year, looks like?) and i think it will help my career as a nurse practitioner. Although my toddler is not currently breastfeeding, I talk about breastfeeding with my toddler whenever we talk about babies. She's exposed to friends who are breastfeeding, my screensaver is the above pic, and when she got a dolly that came with a bottle, i would always remind her that the baby could breastfeed too. I know, i know...She's only 2 and i doubted any of it she really understood. But with the new baby on its way, i have been emphasizing it more than usual because i have heard from other mothers of two that it can be difficult for the toddler to be patient with all the breastfeeding.

Just yesterday, she was playing with her dolly, giving it a bottle as usual, then she stopped and looked at me and said, "I'm gonna feed the baby with my nipples!" And that's what she did. I felt so proud.

Speaking of identity...

I had a korean patient yesterday. As with all the korean patients, i was treating them with a little extra tlc. The husband brought in korean food for his wife and i remarked how yummy it looked. As i was describing the wonderful constipating effects of a rice-rich diet, they asked, "Where are you from?" I responded, "I'm korean-adopted." They said, "Oh, and you eat rice?" I said, "Yes, it's in my blood!" They asked, "Do you know korean food?" I said, "I know it and love it." They looked at each other doubtfully and i felt a little left out.

I continued with my list of postpartum instructions and the new mother asked me if she should do anything special now that her bones were weak. I asked her to clarify and she insisted that her bones were now weaker than they were prior to having the baby. I fished a little more, trying to figure out if she had some chronic disease i hadn't caught in her chart and her husband rolled his eyes as he explained that his mother and her mother insisted that she would be very very weak after the baby was born because the bones decrease in density. He topped the explanation off with, "It's a korean thing."

Truth is, my biological parents did not die in a fire. I never knew them--like many others that look like me and live in minnesota, i was "abandoned at the steps of the police station." Sometimes, i wish i experienced pregnancy with a doting korean mother telling me what to expect. Things based on generations of tradition and culture. Although i feel i have found a satisfying birthing culture (albiet, a dying culture) of birth, i feel a loss at not having these beliefs and expectations that were told to me since i was a girl. Something that i could roll my eyes at.

Pregnancy brings out these feelings of loss, i remember it from last time. As i try to imagine what this child i am pregnant with will become, i can't help think of my own time as a fetus and the thoughts my birth mother had about me.

So, surrogate cyber-korean mothers out there...What are other korean traditions around birth that you have heard?

INR...OMG

Last minute, i decided to go to Jae Ran's reading at Patrick's Cabaret last night. It would be my first opportunity to meet a real live blogger (besides my brother and sister-in-law...they don't count). I'm glad i went. Her reading was interesting and thoughtful. And it was odd to meet her. She looked so.....Korean, and didn't have an accent (ok, i know...this still strikes me as odd sometimes). It did give me a chance to finally purchase Outsiders Within, an important book about transracial adoption.

I was nervous to meet her and almost left without a trace, but she was gracious enough to talk to me and ask to hang out sometime. Which we will.

As i was telling my sister-in-law about it, i must have sounded like a 12 year old girl, because she said, "Did the popular girl like you?" Shut up.

Fraud

Now that my nose is to the grindstone, studying my ass off for the exam, i've been thinking about the prospect of being a nurse practitioner. I had a thought that perhaps this is all a fraud. Perhaps i have somehow tricked the U of M into letting me into the NP program, and i somehow fooled them into thinking that i was smart and used lies to graduate. Perhaps i'm not what the fancy degree i just attained tells me i am. Afterall, i have just adjusted to the identity of "nurse;" Now i have a new identity to adjust to, and wonder if it's all been a lie.

Afterall, i'm pretty good at lying. When i was a kid, i used to make up answers to the question "Do you remember your parents?" I told my very best friend growing up that i did remember them...until they died in a house fire. I would squint my eyes and look up, as if searching my memory and say, "I sort of remember the village i came from." I'd explain it in detail (which looked stunningly like the village in a children's korean folktale book i had), and convincingly. My lies made me a legitimate korean, because i certainly was not a white minnesotan.

And now i have this new identity to embrace, and because it doesn't feel like a fit (yet), i wonder if i have lied my way into it. Someone (or some exam) is going to bust me.

This, That, the Other

1. Just came home from the ultrasound and good news: No 3rd arms or legs!! Everything looked great and the child moved around like a spastic seizing monkey and we managed to not buckle to the temptation of finding out the sex. Another interesting dodad is that my placenta is indeed positioned anteriorly, which explains why i haven't felt the movement like i did with my previous (placenta placed posteriorly).

2. I scheduled my big BIG test to give me the "certified" in "certified nurse practitioner." It's for monday the 23rd and i'm scared sh*tless. I'm hitting the books hard and hope i pass. I'm not terribly good at these standardized tests, and i am not feeling very confident. But the time has come, and i need to be a big girl and do it.

3. Mama Nabi's post of her little girl's hair cut made me want to flaunt my own daughter's disaster atop her head. When i was a kid, my hair was so stick straight, i didn't bother to brush my hair. It fell limp and straight and without a tangle. I'd imagine it did cause challenging bang cutting by my mother. This hair my child has sprouted is difficult to manage. It's curly in some parts, straight in others. It doesn't calm down after brushing. Her receding hairline is growing in, but makes it difficult to find where her bangs end. It looks semi-decent if she lets me "put it up," but my fashion-conscious toddler is getting much more picky about having this done. Alas: The Mop:

South Dakota: The New Bible Belt

I was sad to hear that s. dakota went through with it's first execution in 60 years yesterday. What the hell is going on with s. dakota? They outlawed abortion statewide last year, and by a landslide. The majority of school districts have instilled stiff regulations on sex education, emphasizing the criminal penalties associated with 'unlawful sexual acts,' and encouraging 'self control' and waiting until marriage as STI/pregnancy prevention. Last year, a bill was introduced in s. dakota to increase 'intellectual diversity' on college campuses after a senator proclaimed that these college campuses have an overabundance of social sciences, and "newer programs such as feminist studies," and not enough engineering and chemistry. And let's not forget Bill Janklow and his reckless driving that killed a man.

I'd expect it from the bible belt, but s. dakota is a little too close to home...

Feels Like Butterflies

I'm 18 weeks now, and am fairly certain we have detected fetal movement. With my last, i felt a very strong kick at 16 weeks and felt her unmistakable strong movements from then on, but with this one, i was a little unsure. At 16 weeks, i started to feel the flutter so many mothers-to-be talk about but got nervous because i couldn't feel the hard kick.

I had an ob visit today and heard the heartbeat, and the little one moved for us while listening which confirmed my fluttery feelings as movement and not gas. Tomorrow i have the ultrasound to ensure there are no extra limbs and will will avoid finding out the sex just like last time.

Tour de England...Belgium...France

So we've started watching the tour de france. Watching the tour is sort of like exercising: I never really like the idea of doing it beforehand, but i like it after i've done it. I like knowing what has happened on the tour. I respect the cyclists for their talent (i know, i know...drug induced or not) and their amazing stamina. Makes anyone training for the ragbai look like pussies.

So his name is Bear...

We've started tivo-ing Man vs. Wild on discovery after a recommendation from a friend. Oh. My. Gawd. He is a nut. The premise of the show is they drop this guy off in desolate areas and he has to "find" his way to rescue. Ok, so his name is Bear, which one can shrug off as soon as you watch his show. First of all, nobody else is there to actually say, "Bear," which helps. Secondly, you see how, um, talented (?) he is and realize his name could be Sunshine, but you can respect that. He's half way between the half-brained, craziness seen in Irwin or Grizzly Man and someone you'd respect and trust enough to actually want him to survive in the wilderness.

Some of the crazy things he's done has been eating a fish straight out of the stream (i think it's heart was still beating as he bit into it...it was definitely moving) and really enjoying it, drinking his own urine in the outback to fend off dehydration (not enjoying it), trying to wrangle a wild horse to ride. Some of the respectable, amazing things: starting a fire with his bare hands, building shelters that are sturdier than some i've seen in s. st. paul for one night's rest, and scaling cliffs without any climbing gear.

I'm almost certain his filming crew will watch him die one of these episodes...I wonder how his wife can sleep at night.

Purring?

One morning, my toddler was sitting up in bed with me and was petting the cat. I explained to her that if she was really gentle, she could get the kitty to purr. She tried and tried, but our stubborn old cat wouldn't do it. She gave up and we started to read a book and i farted (*gasp*). The toddler sat bolt upright and smiled and exclaimed, "Gato PURRED!!!"

Focus!

I received my actual masters degree in the mail yesterday. It's real purr-dy. But what would make me feel better is if i could schedule my certification test date (sort of like boards). It's been challenging to schedule the damn thing (can you say 'disorganized organization')--i won't even get into it, but i have been promised that i will receive my letter giving me final blessings to schedule the exam...which could take another week to take. So, that makes two weeks. Two weeks to get my shit together and buckle down and study. Yeah, yeah, i've been studying, but without the fire under my ass, it's hard to really study.

So what am i doing here blogging and creating youtube accounts?

Our Dear Administration

I was surprised to hear bush's "commute" of libby's sentence. I truely thought he was going to let libby be the fall guy (although i think cheney's time is coming), and he'd let him hang to dry. This whole clusterf*ck is flaming evidence of our president's insane drive to go to war with iraq, and nobody seems to care much. After all this has come to air, people still believe in the war and support the war. It's the blind leading the blind...Or, the hitler-esque, angry dumb f*cks leading the walmart shopping, as-long-as-it-doesn't-effect-my-life, head-in-the ground voters.

I wonder if it is a generational thing. Isn't there a 'generation me?' I really do understand the group of people (my age) who graduate from college and expect to lead the same lives they had in high school, so ramp up their credit and spiral into debt and don't understand consequences to their financial actions. In the same vein, is this group of people not interested in current events? Corrupt presidents? People are much more interested in paris hilton's new post-prison look than what horrible things are happening in our government. Are the media following the demand of the people? I heard a story recently (can't remember where) of a news reporter who refused to top the evening's news with the aforementioned paris. "Here, here," i say, although i can't help that nagging feeling that paris is what the people want.

*sigh*

She Uses Chopsticks

I was disappointed my favorite asian grocer doesn't carry transition chopsticks for little kids to learn on. While in chicago, we found dim sum in chinatown, then found transition chopsticks for the little one to learn on. I think she's getting the hang of it.