Monday, December 31, 2007
Life With Newborn
I am still finding it frustrating and stressful getting both girls out by myself. This morning, doing the day care drop i had both girls half dressed for the day and both screaming bloody murder. By the time we actually loaded up in the car, all three of us were in tears and i was ready to give away the toddler to anyone with two arms.
My body is slowly taking back it's shape. Although my old jeans do fit, i find the non-elastic waistband uncomfortable and i'd rather continue to wear my maternity jeans even though they require me to hike them back up around my waist every 5 minutes. I'm almost tempted to adjust them--tighten up the elastic, but then i'd be one of those women who say, "After my second child i never wore regular jeans again."
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Toddler Tells A Story
"...grandma and grandpa were here and i said, 'grandma and grandpa, i need to go potty,' and they ?? and go there and ?? is good and after that eryn go'ed and then i didn't fall in so now, now we wash our hands then then we, and i, and then..."
"And then what happened?"
"...and then grandma said ????? and eat drink a little bit of coffee."
"Is that what--"
"And then we go go ??? jump in the car and drive to my house and then and then i drove to eryn's house and then we go *burb* to arizona, arizona again."
"That is a really good story."
Friday, December 21, 2007
Enjoying the Second
Luckily, our first child turned out to be extremely easy-going. Because we had studied so vigerously, it was rare that my husband and i would come across a situation that we didn't immediately know how the leading experts and authors would advise us to do.
All of the studying didn't calm my anxieties. While my husband spend hours losing sleep thinking of how to keep the baby from dying (he has become the safety expert), i was consumed with questions like "If she's swaddled all the time, how is she to establish range of motion of her arms?" and, "If the most interesting and developmentally appropriate thing for newborns to look at is a face, how can my face the there every time she opens her eyes?" and, " Will she become addicted to TV is i'm watching tv while i'm nursing her?"
Although i get small waves of anxiety with numero dos, i'm mostly calm. I am surprising myself by enjoying her babyness instead of worrying about it.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Of course, all my years of education and nurse practitioner knowledge promptly went out the window as soon as she started vomiting. I had no clue how to protect my newborn or if the toddler should eat or not eat or drink or rest or what. All i knew is that i didn't want the toddler to touch me or the baby, which lead to some mommy-guilt. She would come to me wanting a snuggle, and i'd give her the awkward hug you give your great uncle--you know, at arms reach, with lots of patting and no actual body contact.
I'm hoping she's done vomiting and that no one else in the clan will fall. Here's to hoping!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Life Goes On
After the train ride, we got to have a visit with santa and mrs. clause. The toddler asked him what he wanted for snack and decided against showing him her bathing suit. After the picture was taken, i was taking the baby back and mrs. claus asked me how old the baby was. I told her six days. She said, "OOoooohh, Santa! The baby is 6 days old! Be careful, give her back!"
When the toddler came to visit me at the hospital, i was feeding the baby. She insisted she feed her "baby" as well. There is a very cute picture of both of us breastfeeding our babies. It will not be posted here.
Speaking of public acts of breastfeeding, now that i am feeling a little more comfortable getting the baby latched i have been reminded of how uncommon it is to see breastfeeding women in public. Because i was immersed in breastfeeding education and promotion prior to having the toddler, i was aware of this issue in our culture when it came time to breastfeed my own child. I always felt it important to not hide in the bathroom or the corner of the room to feed my baby. I also felt like it was my duty as a breastfeeding mother to show people that it is ok to breastfeed in public and there should be no shame. I almost snapped at the man sitting next to me on a flight when i was feeding my first. She was kicking him as she was nursing and i apologized, but he couldn't even look in my direction less acknowledge my apology.
It is strange how our culture can be so tolerant of all-but-nipple-breastage everywhere--on TV, movies, tween idols--but to see a woman breastfeeding her child is somehow crude and perverted.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I'm Still Standing
In the middle of this illness, my toddler decided to go nuts. She started waking in the night with what i now believe to be night terrors. She also decided to have huge toddler meltdowns at the most inopportune times. Granted, my fuse has been short considering my illness and the last few weeks of pregnancy. I reached a new parenting low point last week and just as quickly as the toddler storm flew in, my daughter turned on a dime into the most lovely, charming, interesting little girl i have met. The best advice that i received was from my husband asking me to not take it personally. I realize this is my problem. I find it difficult to not get emotionally involved with toddler craziness and i'm sure the prego hormones don't help.
And now we await the baby's arrival any day now. Because i have been in bed when not at work for the past 2 weeks, i am finding a list a mile long of things i wanted to get done before s/he comes. I realize that all i really need before the baby comes is boobs and those come attached and that time and life will go on if i have the baby without doing the list of things, but i'm feeling the need. Perhaps it's my way of 'nesting' or whatever the craziness that proceeds the baby is called.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Pregnant Thanksgiving Cold
By friday, my cold was growing hourly, but i was able to keep it together to go to work, but by the time i was home, my voice was shot and my throat felt like it was molting from inside.
On saturday, The LissyJo clan bucked up and pulled it together to drove to the cabin via little falls to pick up my favorite recliner from my youth--actually a recliner of my mothers. Have you noticed that you can't really find a small rocking chair that is upolstered, rocks *and* reclines? OH, and is not a glider? Picky, i know, but after exhausting myself finding one just like what i grew up with, my parents consented to me borrowing The one i grew up with. Why little falls? To spice up the drive. My husband and i enjoy exploring little minnesotan towns that manage to conserve their historic downtown...which little falls has done.
By today i was sure to regain my voice, but my throat had other ideas. It decided to turn bright red and prove that there are worse things to complain about than being 38 weeks pregnant. My lovely husband did a late night drive to walgreens for ice cream and cough drops to shut me up, but quickly realized that even without a voice, i can still complain.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sense of Identity
Are You Kidding Me?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
What's a NP?
I know not everyone knows what a NP is. The other day, when someone heard i was a nurse practitioner, they responded, "My sister is a nursing assistant." Hmpf. And my cats breath smells like cat food.
My Brother, the Asian-American
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Breast is Best
It did re-fuel my excitement about breastfeeding and starting a breastfeeding support educational group for postpartum women at my clinic. It also got me excited about having a baby. Not only about the breastfeeding--afterall, i just about quit breastfeeding on day 4 with my daughter and i was well into the breastfeeding education as an OB nurse at this point (i didn't give up and am very glad i didn't). I'm excited about having a little baby. I'm excited about enjoying the experience instead of being anxious and on edge over every "decision" that had to be made about having a little one. Little did i know at the time, there is very little decision making with a newborn and i think i might have enjoyed the experience a little more if i would have gone with the flow.
I also learned that sitting on my ass for 46 hours in an uncomfortable chair is bad for a pelvis carrying a 35 week old pregnancy. I think it did crack in half and my "muscles" are doing little to prevent it from falling apart. Ugh. 5 (probably 6) weeks to go!!
Guess How Much I'm Better Than You
Saturday, October 27, 2007
In a Mood
Coping mechanisms? Bought way too much candy for halloween and have been consuming it. Bought a movie just for the hell of it (who rents movies anymore?). Going to bed at 9:30. Will start napping again when the toddler naps.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Adoption Debate
It is refreshing to hear this adoptive mother bring up issues surrounding the "decision" to "give children up" for adoption (or foster care, etc). They are situations that intertwine with cultural practice and are difficult for our western brains to fully understand. An adoptive parent has the responsibility to be prepared for the questions that may come, and be respectful of the individuality of each child's story, even though it may be easy to throw up the hands and say, "All i had was love in my heart." Although this may be true, it is irresponsible to not acknowledge the complications surrounding their adopted daughter's (or son's) existance.
I love my niece, but....
My daughter's new obsession is watching this youtube clip of her cousin. She has the "song" memorized and consequently, so do i. I didn't know you could watch a short youtube clip so many times over and over and over and over and over and over and over again without getting bored, but you can't manage getting dressed without being distracted.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Zoo Boo and Apple Orchard
Considering my daughters latest pooping issues, i was content to let her eat as many apples as she could. I believe she ate 5 bites out of ten apples, so that's gotta count for something.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Merlin's Rest....A Review
But at Merlin's Rest, it appears the slate is clean. As my brother and family came in at 9am sharp, they were printing off the new breakfast menus. The menus offered a good selection with reasonable prices. My hashbrowns, eggs and toast were above average and the bangers looked good, but my daughter scarfed them down before i could have a taste. They serve authentic irish bacon that my australian husband would approve of (basically, it is a side of meat, not a crisp fried fatty strip), and my brother was able to wash his breakfast down with a guiness.
We'll definitely go back--It's nice to have an alternative breakfast place in the neighborhood that isn't Longfellow Grill.
Mommy guilt is a strange one. I quickly oscillate between red-hot anger and frustration at her whining and neediness to a blubbering, teary guilty, empathetic mess. It is yet another reminder of why i chose to not do this alone and my hats-off to the single parents out there.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Reverting (WARNING: parenting post)
She's 2.75 and has been"potty trained" for some time now. That, seriously, was hers and only hers to take credit for. She started asking to use the potty and eventually, her day care teacher asked us to put her in underpants. So we did. She hasn't been completely pooping in the potty (she does that in her diaper overnight usually), but we haven't been pushing it. We are content that she wears underware the majority of the time--especially because we do cloth diapers.
But lately, she has decided that she will not poop in the potty ever. This has lead to an almost week-long cessation in the poops. Being a nurse practitioner, i dread the downward toddler spiral of control of pooping, telling mommy about the control, indeed not pooping, becoming constipated, building an impaction in the bowels that requires intervention. It's a common thing that happens to toddlers as a part of establishing their individual control. I've seen my niece do it, and hoped my daughter wouldn't follow in her footsteps.
I really hope this is a phase and she'll "snap" out of it and poop freely (on the potty would be nice, but i'm not going to push). Anyone else have experience with a poop-off with a toddler?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Thing About Fall
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Busy Not Blogging
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Another Green Argument
I have heard of this debate before and thought, "I can't be worried about everything, there is a limit. The bottles are made in freakin' england, afterall. Europe is way more cautious with safety standards than the USA." Then i started reading. Basically, what i learned is some studies have found concerning health effects of BPA, but government-lead investigators have found problems with the studies done and aren't able to repeat the studies (in lab mice), but they're 'investigating the issue.'
Should that be enough to change the type of bottles we will use with the new baby? I'm not sure yet. My brief readings about plastics in general has already changed the way we heat things in the microwave (we do glass now, not plastic). And i changed my nalgene water bottle for a metal one. Should we throw the avent bottles out (to sit in a landfill) and buy glass as a result of inconclusive research??
But Where Is It Made?
It's a bit mind-boggling to think of all the factories in china making the zipper on your clothes, the plastic cup for your chilled coffee, your underwear, and that toy that came with the happy meal. The people working in these factories get paid pennies a day, have dangerous working conditions and they are responsible for a lot of pollution in our world.
I am not a purist. The majority of my clothes are made in china. It's been on my mind a lot lately and as i flip things over and see 'made in china' on the bottom, i wonder what the future holds for american manufacturing. Isn't it patriotic to buy things american made? I think about these things too much and want to live in a commune and sew all my clothes and raise barns.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
NPing My Pants Off
I have found the transition of working 3 days a week and being a mom very smooth. Although i'm not working too much more that i did as a RN, i thought working during the work week (versus weekends) would be more difficult. With 2 1/2 year old toddler-hood in full swing, i find it much more frustrating on my days home with the toddler than the days i'm at work. Learning how to be an efficient NP and learning how to be an efficient mother works two very different parts of my brain and i have less patience with the latter. Then again, none of my patients have responded to a request with, "NO! ROAAR" and and an occasional smack--This being her current way of telling me she doesn't want to do something.
I need it
I was looking on the internet for a ribbon magnet i saw on a car once that said, "Support our ribbons," and found this one. I think i need it.
Make your custom magnet at SupportOurRibbons.com
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Fall is Here
Speaking of things that make her happy...
She consistantly reminds me that eryn is sharing and it's not her bike. She absolutely LOVES it. I have a feeling that in our house, fall will be observed from a little red tricycle.
"...She'd be boring!"
My mother knows that my husband nor i would ever buy our daughter certain things. Fluffy purple dress up clothes, "play" high heels and earrings are among the list of these things. My mother also knows that my daughter is of an age that she understands that boxes with yellow duck stickers are for her and that we, as her parents are losing our abilities to filter gifts to her without a big toddler fit.
When i called my mother for an explanation, she said, "If your daughter only got stuff you and her father bought her, she'd be boring!"
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Coming from nursing, i have fully expected the staff to haze me. Maybe not in the you-must-binge-drink-a-six-pack-of-beer-without-vomiting sort of way, but maybe accept me with some hessitation. Have a little doubt in what i'm doing. Keep an eagle's eye on me until i have proven myself. I have had none of that. People fully expect me to know what i'm doing, and perhaps this is scarier than being hazed.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I give it a 9/10 stars.
Monday, August 20, 2007
My Other Car is a......car
I would be open to taking public transit, but my only option involves a bus, then light rail, then another bus, and a whopping 81 minute commute one way. Yes, for this inconvenience, i will choose my car.
I will take our fuel-efficient car for my commute, but i would like to try to think of other ways i can adjust my life to negate the damage done to our earth that i am doing by commuting. We already recycle, re-use plastic bags, and are frugal with gas (ie, heating or cooling our home) and electricity. I would like to think of something one step further. Any suggestions?
Things I'll Never Do With My New Cell Phone
2. Answer in the movie theater. 'Nuff said?
3. Talk at the dinner table in a restaurant.
4. Interrupt a real, live, face-to-face discussion with a real live person to answer the cell phone with, "Hello? Oh, hi! ......Nothing, you?"
5. Forget to turn off the phone during work, meetings, and other public gatherings. I am really going to try hard at this one. I find it extremely annoying and rude.
Any you'd like to add?
Friday, August 17, 2007
It took me no less than TWO hours to investigate how phones work, the difference between plans, which phones go with which plans, where to get the cheapest plan, etc, etc. By the time i found a plan i liked and the phone i liked, it was difficult to find the cheapest price. I decided i'd call directly to the cell phone plan people in attempt to play "stupid old woman wants cell phone" in an attempt to get a one year contract versus the two year contracts offered online.
The 16 year old boy i got on the phone was in training (i could hear his trainer blow his training whistle every now and then), and our conversation started off badly. He tried to upsell my plan and phone, and i declined. He started getting my personal information and didn't know the abbreviation for minnesota and had to ask me how to spell 'minneapolis.' He said, "I should know how to spell that." I responded, "Yes. You should." By this point, i was irritated and crabby. I gave him my credit card number and i swear to gawd after every number i told him, he said a different number.
Our conversation was coming to an end, and he re-iterated my name and credit card number wrong. I said with irritation in my voice, "No. That information is wrong." He said, "Oh. Sorry, mom. OOPS! I mean, ma'am. I really didn't mean to call you mom. You're not my mom. Sorry. ....... Could you repeat your information?" I couldn't help but laugh.
I received my new phone in the mail addressed to the right person and we will await to see if my bill is correct.
Inner 12 Year Old Girl
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Thorn in Korea's Conscious
I am impressed that the gathering attracted so many KADs. The article linked describes the KADs as "a thorn piercing korean's conscious." I couldn't help but think the mass presence of the KADs was noticeable. I wondered how many mothers looked into the faces of the groups of KADs walking around wondering if they were theirs. Did it inspire them to search for their own birth child or was it confirming that the child they had was cared for and healthy? After all, these KADs returned to korea to find answers about identity. This was far less important that eating and having shelter or being ostracized by family.
I wonder how the KADs are being recieved by the natives. Do they percieve this mass influx as a thorn or are they thankful their exported children want to come back for some answers? I can remember my first trip to seoul when i was 11. It was definately not the norm for an adoptee to return to korea at that time. When taxi drivers, hotel staff, waitresses, etc, realized what, i mean, who i was, they'd pinch my cheeks and look into my eyes with disbelief that i was not only fit and healthy, but i had come back in an attempt to understand the country from which i came. The most overwhelming response was from the staff at the orphanage from which i came. No child had ever come back; It was as if i had come from their very own womb. They hugged me and were so proud that i had grown up into a healthy girl.
I hope the gathering has sparked discussions in korea about international adoption. I love the thoughts and comments observed by those who attended the gathering--Thank you all for sharing your experiences!!
TV Not For Kids
I took a class about media and child development in college a few years ago that was very influential to me. The teacher spoke specifically about the einstein series and how they look like a great thing for infants to adults, but, like all TV, does not (and should not) replace face to face interaction with infants. We all know that the amount of tv watched by children and adults is appallingly high, but what's frightening is the amount of tv 'watched' by (or just on in the same room as) infants. How quickly and early children learn that the tv is the most important thing in the room.
I'm not a purist by any means. I probably watch too much tv myself and our laptop is on our kitchen counter, but i try to be aware of it, especially when it's around my toddler. I am surprised at how unaware people are about it. Much like politics, many people aren't making conscious decisions. They don't realize that their tv is on 8 hours a day (even if it's not being watched).
Big Girl Undies
Because i have been in a novice role for quite some time (because i've been in school up until this point, believe it or not), you would think i'd be used to the situation of being a novice. But i have realized that as a nursing student or a new nurse, i was more graceful at embracing and utilizing this role because i was a 'non-traditional' student. Afterall, i was in the graduate school. I was not 19 years old. I was entering the profession with some other experiences under my belt. But as a nurse practitioner, i feel somewhat suspicious that perfect strangers will believe the advice and diagnoses i will propose.
I also can't help but feel like the day i felt before i started high school. I have a new peer group that i'd like to get to know, but i'd like them to believe i'm competent. This is a difficult thing to convince strangers of when i question my own competence. It doesn't help that i'm meeting them while being visibly pregnant. Although i didn't have to start high school visibly pregnant, i have the same teenage worries: Will they like me? What's the culture like? OMG, What should i wear?
One of my old co-workers told me, "It's time for LissyJo to wear big girl undies!" I responded, "...To which i will promptly soil." Just like my first day of high school, my first day as a NP, i will jump in with both feet, a big smile on my face and clean pear of underpants and hope i make it through the day without crying or farting.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Korean Restaurant Review
I know, i know. The best korean food in town, by far is King's, but it's a bit of a drive for us. I have enjoyed Shilla's for a very long time, and it's not too far away. My husband was never impressed by their environs...terrible lighting, random and strange room on the side, wood paneling, etc. But the food was always good.
The new restaurant doesn't quite reach expectations, but it filled a pregnancy craving for me. They are in the middle of redecorating and have painted the inside black, but still sustained the light blonde wooden furniture (circa 1988) and the 70s wall hanging that has a picture of a sparkling water fall when plugged in. Other ghosts of shilla haunted the menu and strangely, the servers didn't even try to hide the SHILLA embossed on their aprons. Surprisingly, it was fairly busy and the service had a difficult time keeping up. The anju servings were very small (call me american), but the main dishes were filling and flavorful. The prices went up; It appears they are trying to match a more sleek ambiance that hasn't been attained quite yet.
Overall? I give it a 7/10 stars on LissyJo's restaurant review.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Here she is singing a song in spanish.
Here is a picture of some of the network news media whores near stone arch. The park was pretty full of them. I have been fairly successful at not listening to or watching the news about this story (difficult to do in my neighborhood; Easier to do with tivo, baby). The little bit of news that i did see had a fox (of course) news whore interviewing a woman whose car was on a faulty part of bridge, but escaped. She asked, "And you have a little three month old baby at home...What do you think would've happened if you would've been a little further out on the bridge?" You whore with no soul.And here is a pic of the view of the bridge from the other side of the river...along with a view of the back of my pregnant head. You probably can't see much in this picture unless you're familiar with this area. You can see green "support" metal sticking up at an angle if you squint.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
From Expert to Novice
I can't say that i'm too sad about this transition. I have had my eyes set on the goal of being a NP, i never really fully adjusted to the identity of being an OB nurse. Even though the acuity of patient care i give is somewhat low, i now see the benefit of having experience as a bedside nurse prior to becoming a NP...which is something i thought i'd never admit to. I was somewhat belligerent about having to be a RN for any amount of time before being admitted to the NP program. But i now see how much skill and experience i have learned at the bedside that i can take with me.
And so with this experience tucked under my belt, and my fingers crossed, i jump into the next phase of my career. Oh gawd. Holy sh*t. What have i done?
I tried to convince my daddy to do this ride again, but with me sometime, but i don't think he had as much "fun" as my brother did.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
In the news
Parents deemed innocent for "spanking" their THIRTEEN year old kid with a stick. Are you kidding me? The kid pulled a knife on himself and threatened suicide in the middle of the beating which lead the response of....MORE BEATING! This is not ok. Several things have gone wrong in the parenting of this child before this. I think the beating with the stick is a huge canary that some intervention is needed. I do come from the camp that it's never ok to hit (spank, paddle, slap, etc.) your kids. There seems to be enough violence in our society. Don't get me wrong: I have already had moments where i feel like swating my child swiftly in the butt to "get her attention," and realize it's difficult sometimes. But when i feel like doing this, i realize the action would be somewhat out of my control and out of anger and that just isn't ok for the adult to do.
Yet another strike to the Tour de France. As you may have noticed in the sidebar, the LissyJo household has been watching the Tour daily. I was so disappointed and sad to hear about one of my favorite riders, alexandre vinokourov and his last minute blood transfusion (not ok). He was sort of the underdog because of his major fall early in the tour. Sixty stitches later, he was riding strong until he was caught and immediately dropped out. Now there's a new scandal--yet another positive drug screen for an unnamed rider. These atheletes are so amazing and the tour is a great way to spread the excitement of cycling, but i am afraid people associate druggies with cyclists and that makes me sad.
The taliban killed s. korean hostage. What the hell is going on in afganistan? Seems like a lot of violence and action is going on there with not much attention. Good thing we have a war on terror going on. Seems to be rather effective.
My brother and father make it through day three of RAGBRAI. Unfortunately i erased the picture my sister-in-law nabbed from their "live cam" of ragbrai that had a picture of my dad...maybe. It's difficult to tell, and it would be hugely surprising that she spotted my dad out of the 10,000 riders on this years race. Riding across iowa sounds hard. I'm proud of them for stepping up for the challenge.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Yesterday, i managed to survive taking the test and passing it. It was unexpected finding out the results right afterwards and i am so glad i did. Not only does passing this exam mark the beginning of my career as a certified nurse practitioner, it marks the end of my time as an OB nurse. After begrudging the weekend shifts for so long, this is a welcome change, but i am starting to realize that i will miss my times at my current workplace.
I am so thrilled, i can't even verbalize it.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The "C" in "CNP" and Other Emotional Items
My daughter is in the middle of a transtion as well; She is moving daycare to a place that is closer to our house (now that i'll have to actually drive to work vs. riding my bike) and has a mission that more closely matches our family values. She had her last day at her old daycare last week and she was quite content with the change, but i ended up in tears. My daughter always proves to be better with transitions and changes than i give her credit for. I get upset even thinking that she'll have difficulties or have a hard time adjusting or even be slightly uncomfortable. Of course, i know these challenges in life are good for toddlers--Perhaps it's first child syndrome.
Finally, i am half way through this pregnancy and the baby has begun to really move around. I find this extremely comforting. My husband felt it for the first time this morning and it clearly wasn't as ground-breaking and emotional as i have found it to be. He sort of nods his head and responds, "To be expected," while i'm moist with tears thinking, "I AM WITH CHILD!"
Perhaps after monday when the exam is finished, i'll come down a few notches on the ole emotional rollercoaster.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Just yesterday, she was playing with her dolly, giving it a bottle as usual, then she stopped and looked at me and said, "I'm gonna feed the baby with my nipples!" And that's what she did. I felt so proud.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Speaking of identity...
I continued with my list of postpartum instructions and the new mother asked me if she should do anything special now that her bones were weak. I asked her to clarify and she insisted that her bones were now weaker than they were prior to having the baby. I fished a little more, trying to figure out if she had some chronic disease i hadn't caught in her chart and her husband rolled his eyes as he explained that his mother and her mother insisted that she would be very very weak after the baby was born because the bones decrease in density. He topped the explanation off with, "It's a korean thing."
Truth is, my biological parents did not die in a fire. I never knew them--like many others that look like me and live in minnesota, i was "abandoned at the steps of the police station." Sometimes, i wish i experienced pregnancy with a doting korean mother telling me what to expect. Things based on generations of tradition and culture. Although i feel i have found a satisfying birthing culture (albiet, a dying culture) of birth, i feel a loss at not having these beliefs and expectations that were told to me since i was a girl. Something that i could roll my eyes at.
Pregnancy brings out these feelings of loss, i remember it from last time. As i try to imagine what this child i am pregnant with will become, i can't help think of my own time as a fetus and the thoughts my birth mother had about me.
So, surrogate cyber-korean mothers out there...What are other korean traditions around birth that you have heard?
Friday, July 13, 2007
I was nervous to meet her and almost left without a trace, but she was gracious enough to talk to me and ask to hang out sometime. Which we will.
As i was telling my sister-in-law about it, i must have sounded like a 12 year old girl, because she said, "Did the popular girl like you?" Shut up.
Afterall, i'm pretty good at lying. When i was a kid, i used to make up answers to the question "Do you remember your parents?" I told my very best friend growing up that i did remember them...until they died in a house fire. I would squint my eyes and look up, as if searching my memory and say, "I sort of remember the village i came from." I'd explain it in detail (which looked stunningly like the village in a children's korean folktale book i had), and convincingly. My lies made me a legitimate korean, because i certainly was not a white minnesotan.
And now i have this new identity to embrace, and because it doesn't feel like a fit (yet), i wonder if i have lied my way into it. Someone (or some exam) is going to bust me.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
This, That, the Other
South Dakota: The New Bible Belt
I'd expect it from the bible belt, but s. dakota is a little too close to home...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Feels Like Butterflies
I had an ob visit today and heard the heartbeat, and the little one moved for us while listening which confirmed my fluttery feelings as movement and not gas. Tomorrow i have the ultrasound to ensure there are no extra limbs and will will avoid finding out the sex just like last time.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tour de England...Belgium...France
Monday, July 9, 2007
So his name is Bear...
Some of the crazy things he's done has been eating a fish straight out of the stream (i think it's heart was still beating as he bit into it...it was definitely moving) and really enjoying it, drinking his own urine in the outback to fend off dehydration (not enjoying it), trying to wrangle a wild horse to ride. Some of the respectable, amazing things: starting a fire with his bare hands, building shelters that are sturdier than some i've seen in s. st. paul for one night's rest, and scaling cliffs without any climbing gear.
I'm almost certain his filming crew will watch him die one of these episodes...I wonder how his wife can sleep at night.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
So what am i doing here blogging and creating youtube accounts?
Our Dear Administration
I wonder if it is a generational thing. Isn't there a 'generation me?' I really do understand the group of people (my age) who graduate from college and expect to lead the same lives they had in high school, so ramp up their credit and spiral into debt and don't understand consequences to their financial actions. In the same vein, is this group of people not interested in current events? Corrupt presidents? People are much more interested in paris hilton's new post-prison look than what horrible things are happening in our government. Are the media following the demand of the people? I heard a story recently (can't remember where) of a news reporter who refused to top the evening's news with the aforementioned paris. "Here, here," i say, although i can't help that nagging feeling that paris is what the people want.
Monday, July 2, 2007
She Uses Chopsticks
I was disappointed my favorite asian grocer doesn't carry transition chopsticks for little kids to learn on. While in chicago, we found dim sum in chinatown, then found transition chopsticks for the little one to learn on. I think she's getting the hang of it.